expendable

sometimes, often really, i feel expendable. I have often described my relationship with my son as "leftovers". It's what I get after everybody in his life takes their time with him and I get the leftovers. What this means is that I don't see him often. The part that really hurts is that it's his choice. Somehow I'm not supposed to take this personal. But I ask, how can I NOT take it personal.

I have now been put on "notice" by my sister and probably every relative, but my father. Well there is one who has told me I'm still OK. I should be grateful.

I am now the only one in my grand daughters life who is not at the hospital waiting for her 2 a.m. surgery, she bit through her tongue tonight. I got the call at 8:45. I was told that I would be called later.

leftovers......

why am i so freaking expendable. why do i not count. why am i not included. i guess i'm having a pity party, but it hurts to the core none the less.

i must remember, i am on my own.