it's a cold saturday

yesterday she worked her hand out from under the covers and by the time I discovered it, it was so cold. I worked it down under the covers and hoped she would keep it there. It was an interesting day in many ways. I think we had a two sentence conversation, twice. She did the "barely open her mouth thing" again. I got really loud and she did it. Normally it's hit and miss no matter what. I don't know if it's the angle of spoon, the time of day or what. But yesterday she seemed to interact with me. This is something that has not happened or a very long time. She still has the automatic responses, I say, "Good morning Cleo" and she says "good morning" and even sometimes "good morning sweetie" (the sweetie is because she wasn't good with names and would call everyone sweetie). Yesterday was different.

I can't explain why.

I can only offer her physical comfort, and food. The food, I must say is much better than what she has had for the last 2 years. I wonder what she thinks, IF she thinks. Can I create the holiday spirit around her? I hope so. My prayer for her is that she be released from this mental ambiguity, to be able to think for herself soon, and maybe for the first time. And yes I do believe in an afterlife. To me it would be cruel to think that if in this lifetime some of us are treated so poorly, unfairly and even with evil in mind, that there isn't a place that we would have the chance to reach our potential. Sometimes as much as we would like, our potential is bound by those around us. The philosophers of old and even our new pursuit of happiness guru's are able to give us words of wisdom, they are wonderful, however in many instances, hard to practice. We must create our own little world to survive this one. It is my hope to give my mom a little bit of comfort and for those micro seconds of clarity, peace.

Otherwise, I could say, bitter, party of one.