it never occurred to me

i have received information lately that would otherwise rock my world. My parents, although we rarely could be on the same page, did teach me to be a good person. It never occurred to me to take advantage of people. I have experienced several people who have forgotten how they got to where they are. Successful in this world but at the expense of someone else. I cannot fathom this. I will never be rich in this life, well probably not, but I would never use someone to get ahead. One of the things that I want in this world is to be validated for my contribution in this life. I know, some of you are saying... it will never happen. Perhaps not. But it would be nice. This is probably why I have been weary of people with money, how did they get it. I know in my life there are a few that have gained due to my hard work. But I have to let it go and know that I would never do that to anyone, and that I would rather have less in this life than to get "gain" off of someone else. And whatever I have that someone else helped with, I give them credit.

I never occurred to me to take all the credit... to take advantage of someone

Today mom had a BM all by herself, trust me it was a stinky one. However, I was so happy that she did it without "help". My idea of her not eating because she was a sundowner didn't hold up today. She did the whole, barely opening her lips thing again. This was at 3 p.m., totally daylight. Crap, what now. Roz suggested slimfast, this is the next thing I will do. I am so grateful for friends that have helped me with this.

I have sat with her and just watched her. Wondering what she could be thinking. Is it like some of the diseases that she has more comprehension than we really know, but can't react to it? Her words are becoming more and more babble than anything. Her emotions are random. Sometimes crying out, but I cannot console her. Not pain, just a painful memory, I think. I have done all that I know to make her comfy. So what is this really. I have not read all the ALZ books out there, but from what I have read, she is just doing what comes with the disease.

I have tested as well as I can, to see just how much she can see. Waving my hand across her face at 3 inches; with a reaction, elbows length; no reaction, and of course, arm length; nothing. Everything must be a blur to her.

Sometimes I use different pitches in my voice to see of she reacts better to it. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. It just may be a crap shoot. All pun's intended.

Interesting day today.... otherwise I could say, bitter, party of one.